Don't Ever Say I Walked Away
by BroodyCheery323
Summary: "Do you really think he would leave town for three months without so much as a phone call?" No, no he wouldn't. Season 5 w/ a Defan brotherly love twist
1. Chapter 1

AN: I have no words. Or I have a lot of words. I don't really know yet. I wrote this immediately after finishing the premiere so it may be choppy and terrible and whatever! I think we all know the drill by now; they hurt me and I start writing as an outlet to heal :P

This may turn into a multi-chapter based off of the events of this season, depends on how next week's episode goes and if I feel we're getting enough brotherly love or not. This is not going to be a Delena/Stelena thing because I just truly don't care about either couple. Let me know if you want/need/feel the story needs more chapters

WELCOME TO SEASON 5 GUYS! As always, I do not own the boys. If I did we'd be getting a hell of a lot more brotherly love to give us way more feels than we can handle ;)

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"_Hey... Stefan, just wanted to check in... Call me back."_

"_Stefan, it's me. Give me a call."_

"_Hey, it's been nearly two weeks now. Where've you been?"_

"_Stefan... I get it. Just, just call me back, okay?"_

"_This is getting ridiculous! Send me a fricken text! An e-mail! Something!"_

"_Stef, I'm sorry... I just really need you to call me back."_

"_..."_

"_Stefan! Brother, what's going on? It's been like, I don't know two months? How the heck are you?"  
"Damon, are you drunk?"  
"Shhh! I'm on the phone..."_

"_You know, I didn't think our whole 'in sixty years' deal meant zero contact! What the hell, Stef?"_

"_I don't know what to do here man. I get that you're hurting and that I'm a jackass... I'm sorry, brother"_

"_You know what? Screw you! I'm done trying. Goodbye Stefan!"_

"_Hey brother, just letting you know that I'm still here."_

The dial tone cut to Stefan's robotic voice; sighing, Damon pulled the phone away from his ear and cancelled the call. It'd been three months of him trying to get Stefan on the phone with no results. He'd gone years without speaking to Stefan in the past but things were supposed to be different this time; they were supposed to be different.

He understood that Stefan was hurting and it killed him to know that it was because of him but he didn't think it'd be like this! When Stefan left he'd made it seem as though they would be okay. He thought they'd at least be in some kind of contact!

Damon heard Elena in the other room and quickly slipped his phone into his back pocket. He'd try him again in a couple days.

Xx

Damon was so fed up with teenagers. The last four years he'd done nothing but babysit a bunch of kids with a knack for getting in trouble; at least before he had Ric to help him! He didn't envy the time Ric had to watch Jeremy though. One day and the kid had already gotten himself expelled.

He fixed Jeremy with a hard stare as he told him he'd meet him outside. He needed a minute to not have to deal with parenting a rebellious teen.

Damon turned and abruptly stilled. Stefan strolled casually toward him and Damon's eyes went wide as he stared his brother up and down, mouth gaping.

"Hello Damon,"

Damon's brow furrowed. "Stefan," he gasped.

Stefan merely smirked back at him and Damon had a moment to really take his brother in. Three months without a word and Stefan was just here, right in front of him. Damon wasn't sure if he wanted to hug him or punch him.

"Welcome home," he said instead.

Stefan smiled, "Thanks"

It was Stefan who initiated physical contact. Damon would have been less surprised if Stefan _had _punched him. Instead, his brother stepped forward wrapping one arm around Damon's shoulders while the other pressed into his back. Stefan was _hugging _him.

Damon hesitated for a brief moment before his own arms wrapped loosely around Stefan's waist. He felt Stefan slap his back gently before they pulled apart. Their contact, however brief, had Damon's head reeling; what was going on in Stefan's head? And where had he been

They stood facing each other awkwardly. Neither really knowing what they were supposed to say or do. Damon still kind of wanted to hit him for not returning any of his calls. But then he remembered that Stefan had every reason not to and the urge to hit him passed.

"You want a drink?" He finally offered and Stefan grinned.

Xx

"Look, I get why you haven't called me back all summer," Damon reached for the nearest bottle and quickly filled both of their drinks. "I wouldn't call me back either,"

He was hurt that he hadn't heard from Stefan but it didn't mean that he didn't understand. He'd hurt him, helped break his little brother's heart; he was never supposed to do that. So he got it. But it didn't stop the sting he felt whenever he heard Stefan's voicemail recording.

"You mean because you stole my girlfriend? I'm over it,"

Damon gave him a careful look. He sounded so casual. Damon was prepared for anger, pain, hell even tears, but not this flippant attitude. He watched Stefan's eyes to see if it would give away how he was really feeling but there was nothing there. Damon frowned.

"So Katherine's living at Chateau Salvatore."

Damon's frown deepened. "How do you know that?"

"Cause I can read your mind,"

His face morphed into one of confusion and he glanced curiously at Stefan as he took another swig of his drink. There was something off about him.

"I'm kidding buddy,"

Since when did Stefan call him buddy?

"Katherine called me first. Remember? It's always been me first."

That stung. He hid a grimace as he lifted the cup to his lips. Stefan was being unusually cold. Not cruel or even angry... just distant, calm. Damon didn't know how to respond to this Stefan.

He was saved from having to by Jeremy's appearance and Damon breathed a silent sigh of relief. He felt unsettled by Stefan's sudden return, and even more so by his new attitude. Was Stefan off on another bender?

He immediately dismissed that thought. He'd recognize ripper Stefan and this was not him. But there was definitely something about Stefan that wasn't sitting easy with him.

"I'll see you at home."

"Great,"

Stefan's lack of reaction was what was bothering him. He must have spent the last three months learning some serious emotional control. Damon would still prefer him to yell or hit him.

"Something's wrong. That, that was Silas,"

Xx

Why was Silas back? And why was he posing as Stefan?

It made sense. In the same way that nothing in Damon's life ever made sense. Stefan had seemed off to him; cold and detached. Because he was, because it wasn't Stefan.

Damon felt a crushing disappointment at the realization that his brother wasn't back. As much as Stefan's return had been unsettling at least he was home. Now Damon had to go back to not knowing where he was and trying to get him on the phone.

For a minute there he'd had his brother back (or so he thought). Even with all the unspoken pain between them, he'd had him back. And now he was gone again. It physically hurt.

Xx

Stefan; no, not Stefan. Silas came rushing down the stairs and Damon turned his attention from making sure Jeremy and Katherine got out to face the immortal currently wearing his brother's face.

He was right though. Silas wanted Katherine. What he didn't know is why.

"Drop the Stefan look,"

Damon said it as casually as he could. He didn't want Silas to know just how much it affected him. He hated having to see his brothers face when he knew that it wasn't him. And now that he knew for certain that it wasn't Stefan, it was suddenly very obvious.

He'd noticed in earlier in the Grill but he brushed it aside as Stefan being really good at hiding his emotions. The eyes were all wrong. It was Stefan face and body, but those were Silas' eyes. There was nothing of Stefan reflecting in them and Damon hated it.

Only now when faced with this physical reminder of his younger brother did he realize just how much he missed him. He wanted to pick up the phone right now and beg and plead with Stefan to call him, to tell him where he was.

Silas gave a harsh chuckle, effectively breaking Damon from his thoughts.

Damon frowned, "What?"

Xx

Stefan was a doppelganger. No. Silas _said _Stefan was a doppelganger. Everything inside of Damon rebelled against the idea. He tried desperately to deny it but why would Silas lie? What purpose did it serve?

"I think I'd know if my little brother had an evil twin,"

Silas smirked and Damon suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"Would you?"

"What are you-"

"C'mon Damon, I mean how well do you really know your brother? Have you even been paying attention?"

Damon's brow furrowed but he didn't say anything. Silas' smirk only grew.

"Do you really think he would leave town for three months without so much as a phone call so you could live happily ever after with the love of his life?"

Damon's entire person froze. He'd tried calling Stefan for months. Sometimes angry, sometimes desperate, hell sometimes he was even drunk and Stefan had never replied. No phone call, not even a text – to anyone. It wasn't just Damon he wasn't talking to. Nobody had heard from him in three months.

The horror must have shown on his face because Silas seemed almost giddy.

"Where's Stefan?" He heard his voice break.

Silas took a step back. "Do you really care Damon? You've been here, living it up with your new girlfriend. Oh sure, you called him but really did you even try? Ever once think to yourself that something was wrong?"

Damon's face hardened and he glared. "Where is he?"

"He's suffering, Damon. Your little brother. While you've been so happy." He taunted.

Damon wouldn't let Silas know how his words affected him. He'd felt guilty for what he did to Stefan but it was nothing compared to the emotionally crippling agony that he was feeling right now. Stefan had been suffering for months and Damon hadn't helped him, he didn't even know or suspect!

He'd been too caught up in his newfound happiness to be a brother.

It always went that way between them. Damon hadn't been a brother to Stefan since they were human, not really, He'd been too stuck by his jealousy, his anger, his resentment. And now he had no idea where his brother was or what he had been, was probably still, going through.

"Call the hunter. Get Katherine back here and I'll tell you where your little brother is."

Damon didn't even need to think about it.

Xx

"Your thoughts are churning."

Damon tried desperately to ignore him.

"Where is he? Is he okay?"

Block him out.

"How did I not see it?"

Shut up.

"I have to save him."

"Is he in pain?"

Damon looked at his phone in an attempt to ignore Silas' presence in the room and in his mind. But it wasn't working; not with Silas spouting off every thought that was in his head.

"Hey Damon," Damon glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. "I promise you, he is."

Xx

He hung up with Elena after a quick 'goodbye' in place of her 'I love you'. He couldn't say it. Not when it was that that had kept him from realizing there was more to Stefan's missed calls than a broken heart.

He'd had to leave to help Jeremy and he was feeling a little shaken from that. Jeremy was lying on the road bleeding out and all Damon could see was Stefan. _I'm supposed to be taking care of you. _He'd said that to Jeremy but he wasn't naive enough to think that's who he was truly talking to.

He'd failed to take care of Stefan, the one person in his life he was always meant to look out for. He couldn't fail Jeremy too.

Silas had left the manor by the time they returned. Damon was no closer to knowing where Stefan was or what he was going through. This was so much worse than when Stefan was gone off with Klaus.

This was all his fault. Stefan had been leaving the night Silas must have grabbed him because of him, him and Elena. His absence hadn't been given proper attention because Damon was selfish. And now Katherine was gone and Silas was sure to be causing misery trying to find her.

He'd swapped one love for another. In loving and being with Elena he'd forgotten about Stefan. Not completely; but enough that he hadn't made any real attempt to seek him out. No more.

He had to find him. He would find him.

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Review and let me know what you thought please!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: We're not getting as many brotherly feels as I was hoping :( So... here we go!

I do not own.

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He stood on the cliff overlooking the quarry. They'd picked this place to dump Silas because it was perfect; deep and dark. He'd been so pleased with the choice, giddy almost. Damon couldn't bear the thought of it anymore. If Stefan was down there...

"Damon, I know I said I'd help you but this quarry is huge!"

He sighed. He already knew that. Silas' perfect watery grave had become Stefan's prison; at least he expected it had. Silas struck him as a kind of irony loving bastard' he would put Stefan in the very place he'd tried to put him.

"I have to find him, Liz"

Liz nodded and said gently, "I know, Damon. But the amount of man power it would take to sweep-"

Damon interrupted, "If Stefan's down there, it means he's been drowning over and over again all summer while I've been happily playing house with Elena."

The words left a bitter taste in his mouth and he was reminded of Silas' own words to him the night before. He'd basically written off his brother for a girl. He loved Elena, there was no doubt about that; but if that love was the reason...

"Do I need to further elaborate the source of my urgency?" He finished.

Something in his expression or his voice must have registered with her because her entire expression softened. "I'll get some deputies on it"

He thanked her and turned back to the water below him. A part of Damon just wanted to dive in; he'd search the water himself but even with his vampire senses it would take more than that and he had things to handle here as well, like finding the immortal posing as his brother.

Damon's phone rang then and he turned away from the water regretfully. He'd let Liz take point on this for now.

Xx

Liz made quick work of getting her deputies to the quarry. Damon stood watching as they gathered the equipment. With any luck, they'd find Stefan soon maybe even by the end of the day. However long it took Damon would be here, supervising and assisting where necessary.

His phone lit up then and Elena's name flashed across the screen. He felt a small twinge of annoyance but pushed it aside as he brought the phone to his ear.

"Hey! How are things?"

Jeremy got expelled and I used compulsion to re-enroll him, Katherine came back only to go on the run again with Jeremy and Matt chasing after her, Silas' back and posing as Stefan except not because that's his true form, and Stefan is likely trapped at the bottom of an extremely large and deep lake.

"Quiet. How goes being a normal, boring college student?"

Damon wasn't sure why he was keeping any of this from Elena. Sure he wanted her to have the college experience she so desperately desired but she should know that Silas was back and that Stefan was gone.

Instead of telling her though, he listened to her relate what happened with the professor and doctor who signed off on her roommate's suicide.

"You do realize you are dating a reformed serial killer right?" He teased.

He heard her soft laugh and he felt simultaneously better and guilty. He needed the distraction from the knowledge that his brother was likely suffering unimaginable pain but then he felt guilty for even forgetting for a moment what Stefan was going through.

"What would a hero do?"

"I have no idea." Silently, he thought ask Stefan.

"Stefan?"

Damon frowned. He hadn't said that out loud. What would Stefan do if their positions were reversed? The younger vampire probably would have noticed his absence a lot sooner Damon thought bitterly.

"Probably mope at him," He mumbled in attempt at keeping the conversation light.

God he missed his brother's brooding.

"Stefan's here,"

His brow furrowed, "What?"

For a second he felt relieved thinking that Stefan was safe and hadn't been drowning on a loop for the last three months. He wanted so badly to believe that his little brother was okay but things were never that simple, not for the Salvatores.

"Elena... that is _not _Stef-"

He trailed off at the sound of the dial tone. "Damn it!"

Some of the deputies turned to him with a frown or a raised eyebrow but he ignored them. What was he supposed to do now? Damon crouched down with his head in his hands and gazed out at the water.

Stefan was down there somewhere. He could _feel _it. But Silas was in Whittmore wreaking some kind of havoc. He needed to stop Silas but he also needed to be here to find Stefan. Leaving felt like another betrayal against his brother.

"Damon?"

"Silas' in Whittmore," he said without moving.

He heard Liz's gasp and slowly stood to face her. "Well what are you still doing here?" She demanded, not unkindly.

"I can't," he shook his head, "I can't just leave him, Liz"

"I know, Damon. But he wouldn't walk innocent people to suffer. He'd want you to go to Elena and Caroline," She paused.

He nodded. "My brother the hero," his tone wasn't bitter. Stefan _was _the hero.

Damon's eyes locked with Liz's. "You call me the moment you find something, okay?"

"I've got this Damon; I'll find your brother."

Xx

Stefan had been reaching out. Damon wasn't even bothered that his girlfriend was having dreams or feelings or whatever about her ex-boyfriend. Not when said ex-boyfriend was his little brother who was desperately trying to make contact.

Damon felt even sicker at the knowledge. Maybe Elena would have told him if she hadn't been worried that he would take it wrong. Why hadn't Stefan reached out to him? Had he? Did Damon just not notice?

He pushed through the crowd of people, trying desperately to ignore the thoughts and to find Elena... and Silas.

"Hello brother,"

Damon whipped around, his face set in a hard glare. _Don't call me that_. He thought loudly at the immortal. Silas smirked.

"Where the hell's Elena?" He demanded.

"You seem to be having a hard time keeping track of people Damon; first Stefan and now Elena,"

_Stefan. Elena. Need to find him/her, them. Evil bastard. Where are they? What do you want? Gonna kill you. Tear you apart. Kill. Kill. Where? Brother. Stefan. Where is he?_

"Your thoughts are chaotic, Damon."

"Then stay out of my head" he snapped.

Silas grinned. "Tell me something Damon, which one do you want to find more?"

Damon's eyes narrowed and he didn't respond. He tried to stop thinking but the immortal's satisfied face left him feeling he'd failed.

"I get why you like her. What I don't get is why she likes you?"

Damon's mouth twisted into a kind of half smirk. "That's because you haven't had sex with me."

Silas half laughed and shook his head. "Cockiness to hide fear," he took a step closer to Damon, getting directly in his face, "But what is it you're afraid of Damon?"

"For Elena? That she's hurt? That she'll realize what a huge mistake she's made?" Silas paused for a moment, probably to assuage Damon's reaction. "Or is it for Stefan? Will you find him? Save him? Will he even forgive you once you do?"

Damon shoved Silas hard away from him but the immortal's smirk only grew. "So transparent, Damon."

Silas chuckled and with a passing remark about the bonfire walked off, disappearing in the crowd of college students. Damon clenched his eyes shut and breathed deeply to calm himself down.

He couldn't say what it was he was afraid of.

Xx

His throat still burned from where Elena had forced the vervain laced water in his mouth. Silas really was a sadistic bastard. Damon would be angrier if he didn't deserve it.

Elena was sitting in the chair across from him and he could see on her face the struggle to keep herself there instead of impaling him with the nearest sharp and wooden object.

"I had more important things to worry about," he gasped out in response to her question about Bonnie.

She wasn't impressed by his response and Damon felt himself getting angry at her accusing tone. Bonnie the teenage witch wasn't high on his priorities, not when he'd still yet to hear anything from Liz.

The more time passed without a phone call from the Sheriff, the more anxious he felt. What if he'd been wrong? What if Stefan wasn't in the quarry? What did Silas do to his little brother?

"She's my best friend, Damon and her dad just died. I think that's pretty important."

With some effort, he raised his head to stare hard at her. He caught the flicker of surprise in her eyes at what she must have seen in his expression. "So is finding my brother,"

"I don't know where he is. I don't know what Silas did to him. All I know is that he's been suffering while we've been blissfully unaware," he could hear the accusing edge in his words; he only hoped that Elena couldn't.

"Stefan's been, he's been suffering for months while I've been rolling around with you," So maybe she did hear his tone, or she just came to the same conclusions that he already did.

He wasn't hurt or angry by her words. It was true.

She was angry again. He watched as she split the gas pipe and tried to strike a match. He stiffened. He couldn't die here. Not when Stefan was still missing. He couldn't let Elena kill herself. He needed to get through to her. To save her. Them. Stefan.

"Stefan, Elena! Think of Stefan. You've had a pit in your stomach. Describe it to me; describe the feelings!"

Something in her deflated. "I can feel him, trying to reach out to me. He's scared. And he's lonely. And he's in a lot of pain,"

Damon's chest tightened with every word she spoke. He knew of course that Stefan was suffering but to hear it confirmed by someone other than Silas. He should have gone with Stefan that night. He should have been with him when he dumped Silas' body. He should have convinced him to stay. He'd built a life and he never should have left it. Left them. Left him. Damon could have prevented this.

"We have to find him," Elena's voice broke.

Damon nodded. "I will, I swear."

He's not sure who he was promising. Elena, Stefan, or himself. Probably all three.

Xx

"I'm sorry, Damon."

He shook his head, "Don't be"

Elena turned and through her arms around his neck, holding him to her body. He tensed before moving his own arms to hold her. For the first time it felt wrong.

"I should have told you about the feelings I was getting,"

He pulled away from her enough to see her face. He shrugged. "Maybe,"

"I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea about it,"

Damon frowned. "He's your ex-boyfriend but he's also my brother. It's complicated,"

He wanted to be mad. Wanted to yell that yes she should have told him. Stefan's life meant more to him than romantic jealousy and relationship insecurities. He couldn't bring himself to be mad though. Not when there were more important things.

Elena took a step back and Damon raised an eyebrow as she reached into her pocket. She reached for his hand and smiling softly dropped something into it. His eyes widened slightly as they fall on the object in his hand.

"Stefan's daylight ring," he said softly.

Elena nodded. "After Silas mind controlled me yesterday I noticed it and grabbed it off him. I figured you'd want to hold on to it."

Damon traced his finger over the ring identical to his own but for the 'S' engraved in place of his 'D'.

"I love you, Damon. We're gonna find him, Damon. And I'm still gonna love you,"

Damon tore his eyes from the ring. He gave Elena a small smile and she beamed back at him. He slipped the ring onto his other finger where it would stay until he could give it back to Stefan.

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Review and let me know what you thought please! :)

(I purposely left out the very end of the episode because I might be going a different direction with Stefan getting out of the water – haven't decided yet. Either way it will be featured in the next chapter).


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry for the lateness of this one! But here it is! Not a heck of a lot to say other than for the most part I am still sticking with the events of the show. I like the direction it's going in as far as the plot; it's just the characterization that I'm having trouble with. As soon as that changes, I will veer off from the events of the show... Enjoy!

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He traced his finger over the 'S' engraved in Stefan's ring. He didn't seem to be able to stop touching it. He'd start thinking about Stefan, trapped at the bottom of the quarry, and he'd find himself fiddling with the ring again. For Damon, thinking about it made him feel like he was drowning right along beside him.

They stopped for gas and Elena stepped away from the car to call Jeremy. He should have known that telling Elena would lead to her coming back to Mystic Falls with him; truthfully, he wasn't sure how he felt about that yet.

Of course Damon wanted her around but for the first time in the last three months his focus wasn't on Elena but on Stefan... Thinking about Elena just made him feel guilty and focusing on that just made him angry, at both of them.

Damon's phone came to life suddenly in his hand and his eyes fell to the lit up screen. _Liz. _

"Hey! Any news?" he asked in place of a greeting.

"Damon, we've found him!"

Damon breathed a huge sigh of relief and closed his eyes against the sudden and unexpected emotion. "How bad is he?"

"We haven't opened the safe yet. I only just got the call that it washed up; I'm heading over there now,"

"I'm on my way. And Liz... it might be best if you waited till I got there to open it," he paused, feeling guilty for keeping Stefan trapped for even a minute longer let alone the hour it would take for him to get there. "He's gonna be in bad shape,"

Liz agreed and he disconnected the call. Elena wasn't back yet so he had a minute to collect himself before she was. Damon leaned forward in the car, resting his forehead on the steering wheel.

He hadn't thought about anything other than finding him and now that he was found, Damon was faced with another problem. What condition was Stefan going to be in?

Xx

Stefan wasn't in the safe. He'd stood there with Elena, Liz, and the deputies that had pulled it from the water anxiously waiting to see Stefan only to find a dead body in place of his younger brother.

Damon sat up most of the night with Elena resting next to him. The other vampire wasn't sleeping easily but he felt slight relief that at least she _was _sleeping. He hadn't had the same opportunity.

Where was he? Who let him out? How did they find him?

The thoughts kept him awake along with the various ideas and images of what kind of shape his brother was in. He remembered himself when he'd been locked in the basement for just a few days; Stefan hadn't had blood in months. To say he was worried didn't quite cover it.

The sun streamed in through the open window and Damon rolled away from its bright rays. His eyes fell on Stefan's ring still on his finger and he sighed.

Elena turned and abruptly sat up and Damon rolled over again to face her. Her eyes were wide and she flicked her gaze around the room. Damon frowned.

"Hey, we've been up all night and you're exhausted; go back to sleep," he said.

Elena ran her hands through her hair. "I had a dream about Stefan,"

Damon propped himself up on his elbows. "Oh,"

"It was real; it was like I was there with him."

He sighed. He didn't like this connection that Elena somehow had to his brother. It bothered him in the obvious way but it was much more than that. He hated the reminder that Stefan had been calling out to someone other than him. They had their problem, sure, but Damon thought they understood each other now better than ever. Maybe if Stefan _had _reached out to him, Damon could have found him a lot sooner.

Damon also hated the twinge of anger he felt toward Elena every time he was reminded that Stefan _had _been calling out to her, and she ignored it as nothing. He shouldn't blame him. It wasn't really her fault but he couldn't help it.

"I know I said it didn't bother me, this psychic connection... but I don't need a play by play,"

Elena sighed and they both lay back down awkwardly. She was tense and he could tell that whatever she'd seen really bothered her. What had she seen?

Was Stefan okay? Maybe she'd seen him hurt or lost. Maybe he was in serious danger. Someone could have taken him or he could have given in to his ripper urges and was currently on a murderous rampage. He could be killed. Maybe he was already dead!

Damon's chest tightened and he felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack. He rolled on to his side to face Elena.

"Tell me. I'm sure whatever's going on in my imagination is ten times worse than what is in your subconscious," He needed to _know._

Elena explained her dream to him and it only made him feel worse. He was here; in bed with her while Stefan was in pain, again... or still. His eyes fell again on his brother's ring and he felt the sudden urge to tear it off his finger. He had to get to him.

Damon made a flippant comment about a crystal ball and an address but his mind was silently racing. What good was this psychic connection if she couldn't use it to find his brother?

Katherine chose that moment to make an appearance and the relief he felt at finally having a destination was immense.

He could find him.

Xx

Damon pushed hanging branches out of his way as he walked through the woods in search of Stefan. He'd left Elena to take care of Katherine somewhat reluctantly but Elena's reminder that he had to find Stefan had him agreeing.

He just hated the idea of leaving anyone, let alone Elena, with Katherine.

She was mostly harmless now that she'd been turned human but danger had a way of following Katherine. And he knew that she needed to be kept safe, at least until they knew why Silas wanted her and in spite of himself, he was worried about her.

Her sarcastic comments on the car ride here were an irritation he'd rather do without but he didn't hold much stock in them. For one thing it was Katherine saying them but his main reason for not caring was that he still didn't have Stefan safely back.

His Katherine problem would have to wait.

He almost missed the cabin because of the chaotic nature of his thoughts but he had slowed down enough to spot it through the bush. Damon cast his eyes around cautiously as he slowly came up on the door. Someone was definitely in there.

Damon quietly pushed the door open and peered inside. It was dark and there was a ring of what looked like things collected from the forest floor that took up most of the room but what drew his eyes was what was in the center.

Stefan sat with his arms and legs bound, breathing raggedly.

Damon's entire being seemed to relax in that moment and he had to hold himself back from yelling loudly. He made to run to his brother but the memory of Silas held him back.

"Stefan?" He whispered cautiously.

The younger raised his head and their eyes connected across the room and Damon didn't need any more proof. This was his brother.

"You couldn't call a brother?" He teased as he stepped into the circle.

Stefan breathed out a half hearted laugh, "Nice to see you too, Damon."

God he had no idea. But his relief at finding Stefan alive and himself from the looks and sounds of it would have to wait.

"What the hell is going on here?"

There was blood pooled around Stefan's wrist and Damon bit back a growl as he kneeled next to the chair and examined the ties. He pulled at the bindings holing Stefan as the younger vampire explained what he knew.

Another all powerful, supposed to be dead, supernatural creature on a rampage... Great. Damon pulled at the bindings around his wrists and chest but nothing would give. His brow furrowed as he half-listened to Stefan.

"Ketsi, whatever," He mumbled.

"It's Qetsiyah,"

Damon turned his head and Stefan raised his eyes. The older bit back a groan.

"You can't break those vines," she said as she brushed past him to the fireplace. "They're spelled not to be removed until I get what I want."

Damon and Stefan shared a weary glance before Damon stood to face the thousands years old witch. "Why is my brother wearing your compose pile?"

He only half listens as the witch tells him her plan for Silas. His eyes keep darting over to Stefan who doesn't look so good. The younger vampire had obviously fed but Damon had no idea of knowing how long ago or how much.

He made a comment about traffic and moved toward Stefan but stopped at the dark look Qetsiyah shot him. "You probably don't want to get on my bad side,"

Damon's eyes hardened. "You do realize that you're not the only one with a bad side?"

He was getting pissed. He needed to get Stefan out of here and if this witch tried to keep him from doing that than he would show her what he meant by that. He was never more dangerous than one someone came after Stefan. He stepped into Qetsiyah's space, prepared to fight her no matter how old or powerful she was.

"We can stop Silas, isn't that what you want?"

Not at the expense of Stefan he opened his mouth to say but his words were cut off by Stefan's, "Just do it,"

Xx

Stefan's breathing turns ragged and sweat pools on his brow. Damon stands back only as far as he absolutely has to with his eyes locked on Stefan. His face is set in a hard line and he has to hold himself back from moving to his side or throwing himself at the witch.

Stefan shouts particularly loudly and Damon takes a step forward.

"What are you doing to my brother?"

Qetsiyah's looks up at him in something in her expression chills him. He doesn't trust this woman, not with Stefan.

"We're done here," He growls out as her words end.

Her smirk is cold. She tells Damon how she's gotten what she needed; Damon finds the thought uncomfortable.

His eyes fall on Stefan and he feels cold. Stefan's head has fallen forward on his chest and Damon can see streaks of blood down his cheeks. "What did you do to him?" he shouts.

Damon rushes to Stefan and cradles his face in his hands. "Stefan," he shakes him a little. "C'mon, Stef, Stefan!"

No, no, no, no, no! This is not happening. He's okay. He needs to be okay.

He stands and turns on Qetsiyah. "Whatever you did to him undo it!"

"He'll wake, eventually."

A large part of him wants to go for her throat but he's more concerned with getting Stefan hom and away from this sadistic bitch. He moves around his brother's limp body and carefully unties the vines.

Qetsiyah's talking about him and Elena and about Stefan and Elena. He wants to ignore her, tries to ignore her but he's not having any luck. It's like she's determined for him to hear this.

Once he has Stefan untied and propped up so he went slip from the chair he moves to face Qetsiyah.

"Destiny has been trying to get the doppelgangers together forever,"

Doppelgangers. It always comes back to the doppelgangers. Fate and destiny had been screwing with him and his brother from the moment Katherine walked into their lives over a century ago.

"If you're trying to downplay your reputation as a psychopath, you might not want to say you're a spokesperson for the universe," he says flippantly.

He doesn't want to hear this. He loves Elena and she loves him. He knows that.

Qetsiyah keeps talking and Damon throws a glance back at Stefan to make sure he's still upright.

"As long as Stefan's in the way you will never be with Elena,"

She's probably right. He'd always known his chances with Elena were slim. Even now that he was with her he knew a part of her would always love his brother... the question was just how big a part of her.

Qetsiyah was offering him a solution to that. She thought they were the same and maybe in some ways there were. She'd been where he was. The forgotten part of the love triangle. The conflict in someone else's love story.

But there was one substantial difference between them...

"He's my _brother_. So destiny and the universe? Doesn't really matter against that,"

Qetsiyah's smile fell and she shook her head in mock sadness. "You can't win, Damon"

"We'll see,"

Xx

Damon perched on the edge of the couch next to Stefan's unconscious body. Elena was somewhere in the house but he hadn't seen her since he told her about what Qetsiyah told him. Part of him thought she was staying away from Stefan to prove something to him.

It didn't matter really. Damon never was one to hold much stock in fate.

Right now he was more concerned with why Stefan had yet to wake up and what exactly Qetsiyah had done to him. Damon had felt her power when she attacked his head with her witch voodoo and threw him across the room. He hoped they'd have minimal dealings with her in the future but he wasn't to hopeful about that.

Damon's fingers moved unconsciously across the ring on his hand. It took him a second to remember that it was Stefan's ring but the sight of his brother's hand reminded him. Damon pulled the ring off and raised Stefan's hand, carefully sliding it back where it belonged.

Laying Stefan's hand back against his stomach, he had a second to appreciate the sight. Stefan still hadn't woken up but at least he was here. Even before Damon found out what had happened to him it had felt wrong not having him here.

They still had Silas and Katherine, whatever was going on at Elena and Caroline's school, and now Qetsiyah to deal with but having Stefan back home made it all seem unimportant, at least for the moment.

Stefan stirred suddenly and Damon shifted to face him. The younger vampire groaned and blinked slowly, adjusting to the light. Damon grinned and reached out to gently touch Stefan's head.

Stefan jumped slightly as he sat up and turned his eyes on Damon.

"Welcome back, brother,"

Stefan looked confused and Damon's grin fell slightly. He watched Stefan's eyes get bigger as he glanced around the room before turning back to Damon. Damon raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?"

"I uh, I..."

Damon frowned. Maybe whatever Qetsiyah had done had a bigger affect than he'd thought. "Stef?"

Stefan stared at him with a look of intense concentration before his face relaxed into something close to resignation.

"I'm sorry; I have no idea who you are,"

* * *

Review? :)


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Wow. My feelings toward this episode are just... I don't even know.

* * *

Damon slowly pulled his hand back from where it still rest on Stefan's head. He felt cold which he knew wasn't possible; it was like the coldness was inside of him.

_I have no idea who you are._

Stefan sat up fully on the couch, frowning at the dark haired stranger sitting next to him. He was confused. Where was he and who was this person? He tried to remember something, anything, but he couldn't. He didn't even know who he was...

The stranger had called him Stef; kind of a funny name. Maybe it was short for something?

Damon still hadn't said anything. This had to be some kind of joke. He'd told Stefan before that he wasn't funny and if this was him attempting to be Damon would drive a wooden stake into his stomach, because this? This was not funny.

"Stefan..."

Damon trailed off at the expression on the younger vampire's face. It was completely blank.

"Is that my name?"

Xx

Damon paced in front of the lit fireplace while Stefan remained sitting on the couch tracking his movements with his eyes. He couldn't explain what it was he was feeling right now. There weren't words for the emptiness he felt at Stefan's words or the blank expression on his face. There was no recognition there and it killed Damon.

"Hey, um... clearly you know me,"

Damon stopped and turned to face him. God what did he say. How did he explain this to Stefan when he couldn't even explain it to himself?

"You don't remember anything?"

Stefan shook his head. "I know my name's Stefan, but only because you said it,"

"And you don't know who I am?" He really hoped Stefan didn't hear his voice break.

The younger man frowned and again shook his head.

Damon sighed and violently pushed back the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him. He had to keep it together. Stefan had lost his memory. Damon couldn't afford to lose it right now.

He went over and sat next to Stefan on the couch. Stefan angles his body toward him and tilts his head as though motioning for Damon to start talking.

"Okay, so, how do I explain?" He was talking to himself but Stefan answered anyway.

"Maybe you could tell me who exactly you are? Your name maybe?"

His chest ached but he ignored it. "Right, my name's Damon... I'm your brother."

Stefan screwed up his face in concentration and Damon would laugh if it wasn't all so tragic.

"My brother..." He seemed to be trying to get a feel for the word. "I don't remember you," he continued.

"Obviously," Damon muttered.

"Sorry?" Stefan offered with a shrug.

This person who he considered a stranger was his brother. Stefan knew what that should mean but he didn't feel any kind of connection to him, Damon, he reminded himself silently. Why didn't he?

"So, what happened to me?"

Xx

"A witch?"

Damon heard the skepticism in the younger's tone. So amnesia Stefan had no recollection of the supernatural than either. That was going to be a serious problem.

"You do know what a witch is right?"

Stefan shot him a glare. "Yes I know what a witch is; I also know they're not real. At least, not in the way you're suggesting"

"I don't know," Damon shrugged, choosing to ignore the part about them not being real. "I'm not exactly clear on how amnesia works."

Stefan tried to explain it as much as he could. He understood concepts and ideas. He knew what things were and how things worked. He knew things about history and what year it was; he just had no idea who he was. He had no memory of _his _life or the brother he apparently had.

"How old am I?" He asked.

Damon groaned and threw his head back against the couch. Leave it to Stefan, even in his amnesiac state, to ask a hard question.

"Technically? Seventeen,"

Stefan frowned. "What do you mean technically? How am I technically seventeen?"

Xx

The car whipped around the bend and Damon reached to turn the stereo up louder. Next to him in the passenger seat Stefan flipped through one of his journals, sometimes reading aloud. Damon was still trying to figure out how to explain nearly 200 years of memories to the younger vampire.

"I think I've read enough,"

Damon gave him a sympathetic look. "Nothing?"

He shook his head. "I can tell you what day it is, what year it, about this car's engine but I'm two journals deep and I have absolutely no memory of who the hell I am."

Stefan glanced at the blood bag in his hand before slowly bringing it to his lips and sucking the red liquid back. Damon, his brother, had told him he was a vampire, that they were both vampires. He still wasn't sure if he believed him but the blood made him more and more convinced. He expected to find it disgusting but it was anything but.

He'd looked at in horror and disgust when Damon had first handed it to him. He wondered for a second if the person he was with was actually some deranged, sadistic killer but for some reason he trusted him. He'd taken a hesitant sip only to find that not only did it soothe his throat that had been burning since he'd woken, but that he actually liked it. Maybe too much.

'Is this supposed to fill me up?" He asked.

"Yes and no. Technically yes because you're a vampire; realistically no, because you're well you."

Right. Apparently not only was he a vampire but he was a vampire addict who couldn't handle human blood without turning into a ripper monster who tore people apart.

"This is a lot to process,"

Damon nodded but otherwise remained silent. He was having a hard time processing it too. His brother didn't know he was his brother or a vampire and had no memories of his very long life. He felt hollow realizing that Stefan had forgotten him. Did Qetsiyah know this would happen? Did she do it on purpose?

The part of him that felt unbelievably guilty for what his brother had suffered over the summer wondered if it was Stefan's way of dealing. What if he somehow made himself forget? Damon couldn't think about that without feeling sick.

"You're a man of principle who had his memories erased by a two thousand year old witch."

"I bet that two thousand year old witch drives faster than you. Let me guess fun brother," he tapped his own chest, "Safe brother," he finished clasping Damon's shoulder.

Stefan was grinning and Damon had a moment to wish that Stefan was really back and that they were just two vampire brothers, having a bit of fun. He wanted that more than anything. Damon smirked and pressed his foot down hard on the gas.

"Do you trust me?"

Stefan raised an eyebrow. "Do I really have a choice?"

Damon's smirk grew and he pulled the emergency break spinning the car out and jerking the wheel hard. The car rolled on to its side. Damon caught a glance of Stefan's wide eyes and startled expression before they were both thrown from the car.

Stefan sat up on the pavement with a groan. It hurt slightly but not in the way he knew it should. He stared anxiously over his body only to find himself free of any blood. He didn't even have a scratch. Holy crap he was a vampire!

He heard Damon sitting up a little bit behind him and he let out a surprised laugh. "I get it; you're the fun brother."

Damon laughed behind him.

Xx

They came back to the house after that and Stefan made to make his way to the room that Damon had shown him earlier was his. He turned a corner on the landing only to crash into another body.

Stefan stepped back and his eyes fell on a girl with long brown hair and bright eyes. He blinked.

"Uhh, hi?"

"Stefan, finally! I've been waiting for you and Damon-"

Damon came around the corner then and shot Elena an intense look. Her words cut off and she turned to him with a raised eyebrow. Stefan frowned as well and glanced over his shoulder.

"Stefan, this is our friend Elena," His face had evened out into a casual expression but Elena's frown deepened at his words.

Stefan turned back to Elena with a small smile. "Hi, Elena. I'm gonna head up to my room now; second on the left?" He addressed his question to Damon.

Damon sighed and nodded and Stefan disappeared with a 'night' tossed over his shoulder. Elena watched him go with an expression of confusion before she turned on Damon.

"What the hell, Damon? I come downstairs to find you and Stefan gone and a text saying 'Went out. Explain when we get back'! What's wrong with him?"

Xx

Stefan smiled down at Elena. He'd spent most of the afternoon with her trying to spark his memory in new and fun ways. He wasn't sure reliving his past experiences with her would help but he enjoyed it all the same.

He hadn't appreciated Damon leaving him with her at first but now... She was fun and beautiful and Stefan found himself drawn to her. Even without a memory he knew she was important to him.

She stepped toward him then and placed her hands on either side of his face. Elena was telling him that she'd never been afraid of him and it made him feel good to know that what he had seen today when he attacked that girl wasn't all he was, not to her.

He leaned toward her, holding her hand against his face with his own. She moved closer to him and Stefan could feel her breath against his lips. He went to close the distance between them.

"I'm with Damon,"

Damon. Stefan let go of her hand and she pulled it away slowly. But Damon was...

"You're with my brother," She looked guilty. "And neither of you thought that was something I should know? What was all this today about then?"

"I thought it would help,"

Stefan scoffed and took a step back from her. "You thought making me remember what I felt about you would help? Even though you're with my brother?"

"Stefan-"

"Did I know? Was I okay with it?"

He didn't need her to answer. He saw the answer in her eyes. These two people; his brother and his girlfriend had gone behind his back. And now that he'd lost his memory...

Elena turned her back on him and he took that moment to leave. He didn't want to hear her apologies or her explanations.

Xx

The light from the fire flickered over Stefan's face as he tore pages out of one of the journals and tossed them in the flames. He'd had a long couple days. Waking up with no memory of who he was is exhausting.

It hadn't been too bad at first. He'd had Damon, his brother, there to help him through it and some of it was even fun. Stefan didn't remember what it felt like to have a brother but he was pretty sure that it must feel a lot like how he had felt earlier hanging out with him.

He thought he could trust Damon.

And Elena. He didn't have any memories of her either but the way she talked to him and the things she told him... She made him feel hopeful that he would remember. Stefan thought it would be nice to remember this girl that he knew must have been important to him.

They'd lied to him.

He couldn't trust these people. Not when they pretended to care about him and that they wanted to help him. They'd betrayed him. He didn't remember any of it of course but it made him feel stupid that he'd felt happy around the people who would hurt him. They were probably laughing at his naivety.

"What'chu doin' there brother?"

Stefan tossed another journal into the flame. "Just tying up some loose ends,"

"Sure you wanna do that?"

Stefan chuckled and stood to face Damon. He imagined how he felt right now was similar to how he must have felt initially when he first learnt his brother and girlfriend were together. At least Damon had come alone.

"I don't want to be the person in those journals. I don't want to live in this house. And I don't want my _brother's _advice."

"Stefan..."

"No! I don't want to hear it, Damon." He sneered. "I don't even know you!"

Damon flinched but Stefan either didn't notice or didn't care because he continued. "I wake up with no memory of who I am and I just listen to you? You tell me you're my brother and I trust you as though that means something when it doesn't!"

"It does mean something!" Damon interjects, stepping toward Stefan.

Stefan shakes his head. "No, it doesn't. Not to me. I thought it did. I thought that knowing you were my brother meant I could trust you, that you were looking out for me, that even if I didn't have my memory at least I had you; the one person who is _supposed _to be there for me. I mean... isn't that what a brother is?"

Damon has never felt worse than he does now standing in front of Stefan. Without his memory, Stefan seemed to have lost his reasons for holding back his emotions. He didn't know what they were like with one another. He didn't know the pain they'd caused one another. All he knew, all Damon had let him know was that they were brothers. And Stefan was right. Damon _should _be that person.

"I was, no I am terrified. I don't know who I am. I'm a vampire and I don't understand what that means... I can't be here."

Stefan picked up the bag that Damon hadn't noticed was at his side.

"Don't go, Stefan! We can get your memory back; I can help you,"

"Why? So I can remember that I was a sadistic killer? So I can remember how much I love a girl who broke my heart? So I can remember my big brother who helped her do it?"

Wow. Stefan without his memories really knew what to say to make Damon feel as though he'd been staked; actually, being staked might be preferable to what he was feeling right now.

"I don't think so, Damon." Stefan finished as he shoved past him.

Damon didn't try to stop him. How did he even begin to refute what Stefan had said? It was all true...


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sorry about the delay! This story is still an episode behind but I'm going to work my ass off to get it up before Thursday's episode – I don't want to fall too far behind. I love parts of this chapter and I hate parts of this chapter lol ! You guys can let me know if you love or hate it more :P

Don't own. Wish I did. They'd be hugging and crying and brotherly loving!

* * *

It'd taken him days to convince Caroline to tell him where Stefan was. He couldn't exactly say that he blamed her; in fact he was glad that at least _someone _was looking out for his younger brother. Still, it didn't stop the sharp pain that he felt that it wasn't him. Guilt, he supposed.

Stefan was hurt, betrayed, and pissed off. Damon wasn't really sure what to expect from the vampire who simultaneously was and wasn't his brother. Stefan without his memory was harder to figure out than ripper Stefan.

He found him in a room off the second landing.

Stefan sat with his back to the door and a book perched on the arm of the chair. There was no way he didn't hear Damon coming up behind him but you'd never know it to look at him.

"Tyler's house? Really?"

He shrugged. "Figured you'd check Caroline's; that is if you could even be bothered to look," he said scathingly.

Damon flinched.

Stefan stood and set the book he'd been flipping through on the nightstand. "What are you doing here, Damon? Did you get bored and figured you'd check in on your amnesiac brother?"

Damon ignored the question. "You haven't been answering your phone," He said instead.

He'd been looking for Stefan for two days. Damon would never say it out loud but having Stefan ignoring him made him anxious. It never used to. But knowing that the last time Stefan didn't answer his phone was because he was at the bottom of a very deep quarry changed things.

"You're pissed, I get it. I should have told you about Elena and the history there," Stefan scoffed but other than a slight tensing of his shoulders Damon ignored him. "But c'mon, Stefan! It's not like I had a lot of time! 200 years is a lot to fit into one afternoon."

Stefan silently accepted that. They'd only had the one day before Elena took over his trip down memory lane. There hadn't been time.

He understood what Damon was saying but it didn't change anything. He still couldn't trust these people. He hated being around them. He should know them but he didn't, a part of him wasn't sure he wanted to.

Damon sighed quietly after a minute went by without any kind of response from Stefan, "I want you to come home,"

Stefan focused back in on Damon, frowning slightly at his words. He shook his head slowly. "That's not my home,"

Damon frowned. "Of course it is,"

"No, Damon, it's not. I don't remember living there. I walk around that house and I have no idea where anything is or where it came from or if there's some story behind any of it. I don't recognize anything in the room that is supposedly mine-"

"We'll get your memory back!"

"I don't want it back!"

Damon's brow furrowed and he unconsciously took a step back. "What are you talking about?"

Stefan sighed. "He was an out of control addict with a girlfriend who left him and a brother who hated him! I read his journals; I talked to his friends..."

He wasn't sure what made him say 'he' instead of 'I' but it was the first thing that actually made sense to him since waking up a few days before. He wasn't the man he'd read about or heard about… not anymore.

Damon shook his head more with every word that came out of Stefan's mouth. He didn't know. He didn't get it. Without his memory Stefan couldn't possibly understand their relationship. He thought they hated each other, that Damon hated him.

"You don't understand, Stefan! You've got all of it wrong!"

"Maybe," Stefan said shrugging. "But it doesn't change anything. I'm not him, Damon; I'm not your brother. And I don't want to be."

Xx

_I'm not your brother. And I don't want to me. _

The words continued to echo in his head hours after hearing them. Damon had spent the entire day replaying his morning with Stefan in his mind but that was the part that refused to leave him the most. Everything circled back to it. _I'm not your brother. And I don't want to be._

He didn't _know. _That was what Damon kept telling himself to try and make this better.

Their relationship, taken out of context by someone who didn't know them, seemed like an endless chain of torment and hatred masking bitterness and regret. In some ways it was that but it wasn't _only _that.

They'd been through so much, _everything_, together. Nearly two centuries of memories good and bad between them.

Damon was there the day Stefan was born. He was the first person other than the midwife to hold Stefan, even before their mother. It was Damon who looked out for and cared for Stefan growing up.

He taught Stefan how to ride, how to talk to girls, how to fight, how he was meant to behave in society. Damon gave him his first drink and was the one to take care of him when he had his first hangover. He sat with him when he was sick or scared, fought, laughed and cried with him.

And there were the bad things too; their father's cool neglect, the war, Katherine, becoming vampires, the years of bloodshed and death. Damon was there for that as well, caused a lot of it.

He was there for every part of Stefan's life. He knew him, they knew each other, in a way no other person ever could. Nobody knew what they'd meant to each other all their lives, human and vampire, No one understood how they could love and hate each other, hurt and protect each other; but it didn't matter because they did… of they used to.

Stefan had lost all of it. He only knew the bad parts and the bad parts were made so much worse without the ability to understand them, without the good parts to balance it all out.

Qetsiyah had taken it from him. She took Damon's brother away from him in a way that nothing or no one ever had. Even when Damon walked away from him, or Stefan pulled away, or when Klaus had forced Stefan to leave… He still _knew_; he still _remembered._

Damon had to make him remember. Stefan didn't want his memory back but that was only because he thought he'd be remembering a brother who hated him. Damon could fix this.

It was why he went to Jeremy about his plan, it was why he partnered with Silas, it was why he was standing here now with his baby brother hunched over in a chair with his neck snapped while his immortal doppelganger impersonated him at the party below.

It made him sick that he'd snapped Stefan's neck. He hated himself for doing that to him, especially when Stefan already hated him. This was not the way to get the younger vampire to trust him.

Damon turned away from Stefan's currently dead body, clenching his eyes shut and fisting his hands tightly in an effort to keep back his emotions. He needed to focus on the endgame.

Bonnie needed to be brought back from the other side. It wasn't about making Elena happy as he'd led everyone to believe, although admittedly it had occurred to him; no, this was about Stefan, his baby brother. Bonnie was the only one who could give Stefan back his memory.

Stefan groaned suddenly behind him and Damon whirled back around to face him. The younger vampire was coming too slowly and Damon sighed sadly. He sped to the chair and quickly twisted Stefan's head around, effectively killing him again.

Silence fell in the room again and Damon breathed deeply as he blinked away the sting in his eyes.

_I'm not your brother. And I don't want to be._

He was doing this for Stefan. Stefan would remember. Damon had to bring his brother back.

Xx

"What the hell, Damon!"

His shoulders tensed but he continued to stare into the flames while he sipped from his more expensive bourbon. He could feel Elena's hard stare boring into the back of his head.

"I'm not upset about Katherine but why would you want to bring Silas back? We were done with him, Damon… I don't understand,"

Stefan had screwed with his plan. He'd woken up again but he was faster than him. Damon could still feel tightness in his neck from where his brother had snapped it earlier. It made him feel worse knowing that he'd snapped Stefan's more than once. He'd just add that to the rapidly growing list of why he sucked as a big brother.

"Damon!" Elena shouted suddenly and Damon knocked back the last of his glass before turning to face her.

"I need him alive," he said simply.

Elena frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. Her raised eyebrow and pursed lips made it clear that she was expecting a much better explanation that that. Damon tried not to sigh; he'd been doing that a lot lately.

"I made a deal with him," he began. "In exchange for my helping him today with Qetsiyah and finding some magical object Silas' going to bring Bonnie back from the other side. His life for hers,"

Elena's face softened and her eyes lit up but she didn't immediately relax her posture. "You would do that for-"

Her words broke off abruptly and Damon's brow furrowed. Surely it wasn't that hard to believe that he'd partner with Silas to bring her best friend back. He'd done more for less in the past.

"For Stefan," she whispered softly. "When Stefan first woke up you went to Bonnie only for Jeremy to tell you that she was dead. You thought she could help him… You didn't make a deal with Silas for me or even for Bonnie; you need her to get Stefan's memory back."

Damon shrugged noncommittally. He'd told her that it was for her, that she needed her best friend and maybe a small part of it had been about that. But everything in him was screaming for Stefan. He nodded slowly.

"I need him back, Elena; he's my little brother."

His words were heavy with the emption he'd been trying to keep buried. The day had taken a toll on him. Killing Stefan and Stefan killing him left him feeling raw, vulnerable. Damon couldn't keep everything he was feeling back anymore.

Elena had chosen him and he was so happy about that but even in his blissful state he'd felt an emptiness, knowing that it meant that after over a century together he was going to lose his brother. He'd been so surprised when Stefan had accepted it easily – had told him he was _happy _for him. And Damon didn't think it was possible to be any happier than he was then. He had Elena and he didn't have to lose Stefan.

In hindsight he should have known something was wrong a lot earlier. Stefan wouldn't tell him he was happy for him and then cut off all contact for three _months_. Even angry, he would never do that. And he'd spent those months happy. He called Stefan nearly every day, yes, but he should have done more. He should have _known. _Stefan would have.

His brother had been in agony; drowning over and over while Damon played house with the love of his life in their manor.

But he'd gotten him out. He supervised the search and ran back to Mystic Falls the moment he knew Stefan had been found only for him to be gone again. But they found him again. And just when Damon thought that he had him back, that he would be able to have his brother with him like he hadn't been since they were human; he was ripped away from him – forgot him.

The only person who could bring Stefan back completely was dead and Stefan didn't trust him.

The events of the day left him open to all the emotions he'd been holding back. How was he supposed to bring his brother back? Nothing had gone right. How could he trust that Silas would help him?

His emotions must have shown on his face because Elena broke her stiff stance and was suddenly right in front of him with her arms wrapped tightly around him. Damon allowed himself to fall against her and he buried his face in her neck.

"It's okay, Damon, it's okay. You're going to get him back. We _will _bring him back."


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Yeah, I don't have anything to say...

Other than I sort of merged episodes 6 and 7 into one chapter. There wasn't really enough to work with from episode 6 other than Stefan coming home and getting his memory back so I just put it in one chapter. I am now caught back up with the show!

* * *

He could hear Stefan moving around in his room, probably trying to find something or maybe trigger a memory of some sort. He'd come home and really that was all that Damon cared about; Stefan would be sleeping in his own bed tonight.

Elena had left him alone with a soft smile and a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder but Damon was feeling anything but reassured. Stefan still didn't have his memory back and without it Damon wasn't sure how to reach his brother.

They hadn't exactly been behaving brotherly what with the snapping of each other's necks and the harsh words. Damon longed for the night when Stefan first woke up when they laughed together as they lay amongst the debris of the car he'd purposely flipped.

A crash from upstairs had Damon standing abruptly and racing to the upstairs landing. He'd yet to see Stefan, mostly because he wasn't sure how he'd be received.

"Stefan!" Damon approached his brother's closed door cautiously. "Hey, Stef! Everything alright in there?"

He didn't hear anything on the other side of the door. Damon frowned and moved to enter the room.

"I-I'm fine, Damon,"

Damon stopped with his hand poised to push the door open.

"You sure?" He asked skeptically.

"Just knocked something over. I'll see you tomorrow,"

Stefan's words were muffled and his voice sounded off. Damon thought about ignoring him and going in to see for himself what was going on but considering their recent history he reluctantly opted not to do anything more to piss off the younger vampire.

"Night, Stefan,"

Xx

Stefan sat with his back pressed against the wall and his head resting against his bent knees. He was breathing heavily as he violently tugged at his hair in an effort to hold off the images that assaulted his mind.

_Hello my shadow self._

_You used to have a lot of pain._

_Hello my shadow self. _

_Remember. All you could do was drown over, and over, and over again._

Stefan felt the water crashing in around him. His head thrashed and he pressed against an invisible weight. His chest felt tight.

_The only thing keeping you sane was the hope that one day one of the two people you loved; they'd come rescue you. _

Stefan whimpered. He couldn't breathe. He rocked back and forth, slamming his head against the wall.

So dark, so cold.

_But they didn't._

Stefan gasped violently and his eyes snapped open. The water receded from around him and he was back in his room, sitting on his bedroom floor.

He heard Damon walking away from the room and he wanted to scream for him to come back. He didn't want to be alone with the memories.

_The two people you loved. They didn't._

Tessa's words stopped him from calling his brother back.

He remembered everything. He remembered Silas and the safe, the water, drowning... They hadn't come. Three months he spent locked away in the bottom of the quarry and they never came for him. Damon never came.

Stefan closed his eyes tight and he could see Silas smirking in front of him.

The water came back.

Xx

Stefan's eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in his bed. He blinked rapidly against the blinding light. Elena was here.

He followed her with his eyes as she moved around the room, opening his blinds and offering him a cup of coffee which he took when she made it clear that she wouldn't be leaving, that she wanted to talk.

The last thing Stefan wanted to do was talk.

"I miss you," she breathed out.

_The hope that one day one of the two people you loved... but they didn't_

Stefan looked away from Elena but he felt the bed dip as she sat on the edge close to him. His head was pounding. He'd been reliving that night at the quarry with Tessa's words on a repeated loop in his mind.

Stefan only half listened as Elena went on about wanting them to be friends and start over. All he could think about, all he could _see_ was Silas; Silas and the water.

"I was driving to Portland... the night I took Silas to the quarry," He still wasn't looking at her. A part of him wasn't even in the room. "My memories are back,"

"I can remember everything."

She was right there suddenly. Her arms were around his neck and she breathed out a relieved laugh against his neck. Stefan made no move to return her embrace and he was surprised by the sudden urge he had to throw her off of him.

"Stefan, this is amazing!"

_But they didn't. _

Elena slowly released her hold on him and Stefan relaxed slightly once she did. He didn't want her to touch him... it surprised him.

"I'm gonna get Damon,"

Stefan's head snapped up and he caught the smile she gave him as she left the room in search of his brother. He'd wanted to call for Damon last night when Tessa first gave him back his memory but he'd stopped himself. He wasn't sure he wanted to see his brother anymore now than he did last night.

Elena returned with Damon a step behind her looking confused. So she hadn't told him, Stefan thought. Elena was beaming at him.

"What's up?" Damon asked, his attention completely on the younger vampire.

Anything Stefan was about to say was cut off by the door opening and closing from downstairs and the shouted hello from Caroline. Stefan nearly smiled but even Caroline's bubbly personality wasn't enough to stop the memories and Tessa's words.

"I'll talk to Caroline," Elena offered as she left the room but not without another smile for Stefan.

Damon raised an eyebrow and stepped further into the room, perching on the end of Stefan's bed.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

Stefan started to nod but stopped before he did. Was everything okay? He had his memory back but he didn't feel okay. _Hello my shadow self._

Stefan didn't miss Damon's frown when he shook his head against the immortal's remembered words. He wasn't okay.

"My memories are back," he said instead.

Damon's eyes noticeably widened and his mouth quirked in what Stefan thought was supposed to be a smile before the vampire stopped himself.

"All of them?"

Stefan nodded, "All of them,"

The brothers lapsed into silence and Stefan went back to staring at anything other than Damon. He didn't like the quiet. The quiet made him think. He could feel the water lapping against his head...

"October 1852,"

Damon's voice was loud after the minutes of complete silence and Stefan was snapped out of his head and away from the water. He frowned but thought about Damon's words.

"You," he began, dragging out the 'you', "broke my noise trying to teach me how to throw a right hook." He finished, locking eyes with Damon.

"But not on purpose," Damon said, grinning.

Stefan nodded his head in agreement, smiling slightly.

"How much did you pay for that hunk of junk motorcycle you ride?"

He hadn't reacted. Not yet. When Stefan said he had his memory back Damon had to stop himself from jumping up and shouting his relief. He was stopped by the thought that maybe Stefan didn't remember everything, or maybe he remembered it wrong. Damon didn't want to have false hope where Stefan was concerned; he needed to be sure.

"Trick question. You bought me that motorcycle, although I'm guessing it was pretty expensive."

Damon lost his cocky smirk that he'd been forcing in an effort to stay detached. This was Stefan; not the ripper, not Silas, not Stefan with no memory... Stefan, his little brother.

Damon smiled. "Welcome back, brother," He said, squeezing Stefan's leg that rested next to him.

Stefan looked at his smiling brother but all he could see was the smirking features of Silas reflected back at him. His chest tightened.

"Thanks, brother,"

Xx

He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest while Elena and Damon went back and forth about what to do about Amara and how they could salvage the situation so that Bonnie could still be saved.

Stefan knew he should probably be more concerned with the plan. Bonnie was his friend and if she could be brought back he wanted that, but it was hard to focus on saving Bonnie when he could still feel the water around him, rising higher and threatening to consume him, again.

"Weren't you listening to anything? He's not going to bring her back." Stefan snapped.

Hearing them talk about Silas as an ally leaves a hollow feeling in his stomach. Elena and Damon, the two people he cared most about in this world, wanted to work with Silas, _had already_ worked with Silas he reminded himself.

Elena wanted to trust Silas and Damon made a flippant comment about the immortal pinky swearing that he'd help them. It made him feel sick. _Hello my shadow self._

"You know me, Stefan! Do you really think I'm going to give up?"

He was getting sick of hearing her talk about him and what they meant to each other. She didn't get to use their past against him, as a reminder, not when she was with his brother now.

His eyes moved to Damon then who shrugged and Stefan's face hardened. It was getting harder for him to ignore the images or the words echoing in his head.

_The only thing keeping you sane was the hope that one day one of the two people you loved; they'd come rescue you._

But they didn't, he reminded himself. He snapped.

"You know what? I do know you," he began, pushing off the wall and stepping closer toward her and Damon. "You put your hopes in all the wrong places," he looked to Damon then. "And sometimes in all the wrong people,"

Damon dropped his eyes from where they had locked with Stefan's. He glanced at Elena who looked surprised and maybe even a little hurt by his brother's words. There was more going on in his brother's head than either of them knew.

"Silas needs to die," Stefan finished.

Elena pushed back her hurt feelings over Stefan's tone and words and turned away from him. "As long as he's alive, I'm holding out hope that he can still help us,"

"Well, as someone who just spent the last three months at the bottom of a quarry because of the guy, I wouldn't hold your breath. Pun intended."

Both Elena and Damon stopped and turned their eyes on Stefan who was looking increasingly tense. Elena looked surprised by Stefan's words but Damon just frowned, feeling a pain in his chest that he was starting to grow accustomed to since learning Stefan's fate.

The nonchalant way that the younger vampire talked about what had happened to him had Damon feeling off center and guilty. To anyone else, Stefan was dealing but Damon knew that something was not right with the younger.

Stefan felt on the verge of snapping. His vision was unfocused and he went back and forth between seeing Elena standing in front of him and seeing Silas standing in front of him. The waster felt closer than it had since Tessa first gave the memory back to him. He couldn't breathe and Elena was talking about working with Silas.

Everything in him rebelled against that. Silas was evil. Silas couldn't be trusted. Silas had to die. _Hello my shadow self. _Stefan snapped his eyes shut briefly as he forced the words from his mind.

Everything came back to Silas. He wouldn't have been in the safe if it weren't for him. He wouldn't have been waiting for two people that he loved who never came. Silas needed to die. Once he was dead Stefan would be okay. Everything would be okay.

"Silas needs to die and I need to be the one to kill him," Stefan snapped, going back and forth between looking at Damon and Elena. "End of story."

Damon watched Stefan as he turned and practically ran from the room. What's happening in your head, Stef? He silently wondered.

Xx

Damon followed the path Elena had taken deeper into the woods. The spell had worked. Bonnie was back and Tessa, along with Silas and Amara was dead. It'd been a close call but they'd done it.

Damon hadn't made it to Stefan before he killed Silas but his presence was proved to be unnecessary; Silas was dead and Stefan was alive and well; or alive, anyway. Damon wasn't so sure about the well part.

He was pissed at himself for not paying closer attention to Stefan once the spell had been started. He knew his brother was spiraling; he could tell from the moment he spoke to him this morning. Something was seriously wrong with the younger vampire.

Damon should have done something about it then.

He found them in a clearing not far from where he'd come across Amara dying earlier. Stefan stood next to a shallow grave with a shovel in hand while Elena stood talking in front of him. Damon came up behind them slowly.

"When that safe finally opened and somebody found me," Stefan paused, his thoughts somewhere far away. "I wanted it to be you,"

Damon didn't think Stefan had noticed him standing off to the side behind Elena but he was proven wrong when his brother raised his head and he was met with a look or pure, raw emotion.

"I wanted it to be _both _of you." He finished sadly.

Damon stopped moving toward his brother. He hadn't come out here for Elena. He'd come out here because he needed to see Stefan, needed to talk to him and see if he was okay, if he could _make _it okay. Stefan's words halted him.

What was he supposed to do with that?

Their eyes locked over Elena's shoulder and neither of them seemed to notice as Elena sighed and took a step away from them without leaving the clearing. Damon could see Stefan's face clearly now and he imagined his own must look the same...

They were broken.


End file.
